Needed: A New Non-Violent Version of the New Testament
Published on Facebook, January 12, 2011
By Bud Powell
This is a suggested start on one of the more violent passages of the New Testament. The new version might read something like this:
Finally my brethren, be soft and pliable in the tender Jesus, and in the tenderness of his weakness. The only image that should come to you involving Jesus is the one about a lamb before the shearers. Lion, Conqueror, King, are all much too aggressive and will frighten people.
Learn to be defenseless, so that you do not proudly expose the trickery of the well-meaning servants of the Angel of Light. How can you do good to people if you do not take them at face value.
We do not wrestle with flesh and blood; even more must we not resist principalities, powers, or against the rulers of the world, for God makes darkness as well as light, and who are we to know about spiritual wickedness in high places, for this is God’s business. Learn to be harmless. Remember the image: shorn sheep.
Therefore learn to be defenseless and not try to protect yourself, for you must not proudly think triumphantly in the evil day as though you are called to triumph over evil. Don’t be stubborn and hold your ground. Learn to be yielding and womanly.
Give up therefore. Let go. Surrender. Yield. Don’t get uptight about truth, for weakness and yielding are required. There must be something more womanly to gird yourself. Something pink and feminine, not manly like truth. Most of all, do not shield your heart in righteousness, for that is prideful and contrary to surrender. Be like the puppy dog who rolls over and gives up his belly to attack. Your cuteness will disarm them, maybe.
Don’t think ahead and prepare for combat, for those who prepare for combat always have it. If you surrender in time, you will avoid the conflict. Avoidance is the key. Run, run, run, from conflict. Your first thought must be, "How, when, and where can I give up?"
If you do these things you will not need the negative protection of faith, for no one will be shooting at you. They only shoot at you if you are aggressive and warlike. They don’t care about puppies who are rolled over on their back. Neither will you need a helmet to identify which army you fight for, for you are on both sides of every issue and avoid conflict at all costs, wanting to be like a puppy dog Jesus, harmless and non-threatening. Saved from what? for no one cares.
Of course, a sword is threatening and aggressive and no one should ever have a sword. Swords are used to kill people and you shouldn’t have one. It makes nervous people more nervous. Don't go around quoting the Bible; find something they like.
A baby pacifier is much more suitable for the harmless, non-aggressive soul, and you will find much more comfort in one of these than in a sword. You will find many brands of these in contemporary Bible knick-knack stores. There are also many musical cd’s that explain their use and function. Curled in the fetal position with one of these pacifiers will convince the world that you are harmless, indeed, and that will be good for everyone.
Of course, there are some of you violent, aggressive, and manly Christians [both men and women] who might prefer Ephesians 6:10-17 the way Paul wrote it. But look what happened to him: beheaded at Rome—his own fault for thinking he was at war and making Caesar feel threatened. Not nice to do to Caesar....
“10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:” (Eph 6:10-17 AV)
No sweat, man!
